“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
— Ephesians 4:32 (NIV)
The Lord’s Prayer includes the passage, “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive others who trespass against us.” But there are some wounds that feel too deep to forgive. Some offenses that cut so sharply, offenses that alter the course of our life.
Some betrayals that whisper, this is impossible.
In my journey—shared in He Ordered My Steps—I came face to face with that very place: the place where forgiveness was not just difficult, but unthinkable.
My son, who was seven at the time, had rarely seen or heard from his father since he was a year old. My ex-husband was in the military, stationed at times overseas and other times, in different states. This made typical visits impossible. On that day, I called his father advising him that I had airline passes to fly our son for a visit. I had made the mistake of asking Todd if he would like to spent a week or so with his daddy. The phone call sent me into a deep spiral of rage and anger. He refused my offer.
Driving home, I am crying and cursing. How am I going to tell a little boy his daddy doesn’t want to see him?
I cried out to God, “Kill him! It doesn’t have to be long and drawn out—just kill him and send him straight to hell!
I knew that I was commanded to forgive. But in that moment of time, there was not one shred, one molecule of forgiveness within me. I was a mama bear enraged at her cub being hurt.
So, I again cried out to the Lord, “You know I am incapable of forgiving him. So—if you want me to forgive—you will have to do it within me.”
And He did just that! He drained the hate and anger from my battered soul, replacing it with peace and joy. To this day, I take no credit for the forgiveness.
What I have learned is that we forgive others as a gift to ourselves—not just the one who painfully hurt us. Failing to forgive is like drinking poison to kill the offender. It eats us up—not them. Do they deserve forgiveness? Maybe not. But carrying the poison of hate destroys us, leaving bitterness and anger, and robbing us of the Joy of the Lord.
But forgiveness is not saying the pain didn’t matter.
Forgiveness is saying the pain will not be the master.
Forgiveness Is Not Approval
One of the most important truths I learned is this:
Forgiveness does not excuse the wrong.
It does not minimize the damage.
It does not require reconciliation or restored trust.
Forgiveness is releasing the right to keep collecting payment from someone who can never repay what they took.
And sometimes, forgiveness doesn’t come as a single moment.
Sometimes it comes in layers.
Sometimes it begins with a whispered prayer:
“God, I can’t forgive this… but I’m willing to let You help me.”
That willingness is enough for God to begin His work.
God Does the Impossible Work
Left to ourselves, impossible forgiveness is not possible.
But God never asked us to do it alone.
When we place the wound into His hands, He does what we cannot:
- He heals what was shattered.
- He restores what was stolen.
- He replaces bitterness with peace—slowly, gently, faithfully.
Forgiveness did not erase my past.
But it freed my future.
And in that freedom, I discovered something unexpected:
Forgiveness wasn’t about the other person at all.
It was about God reclaiming my heart.
A Gentle Invitation
If you’re standing in a place where forgiveness feels impossible, you are not weak—and you are not failing God. You are human. And God meets us exactly there.
You don’t have to force forgiveness.
You don’t have to rush healing.
You only need to bring the broken pieces to the One who specializes in restoration.
What feels impossible to us is possible for Him.
Closing Blessing
May the God who sees every wound tend gently to your heart. May He give you courage where forgiveness feels unreachable, peace where bitterness has lingered, and freedom where pain once ruled.
May your steps—yes, even through forgiveness—be ordered by Him.
—Gwinnetta Malone Crowell
To read more, check out He Ordered My Steps: From Shattered Dreams to Something Beautiful at heorderedmysteps.com
Leave a Reply